This week has been filled with deals galore from various retailers, primarily because it’s Amazon Prime Day 2020. There’s discounts on Nintendo Switch to smart TVs, board games, and more. And when we say “more,” what we mean are absurd things no one will ever buy.
Across Amazon, Best Buy, Target, and other retailers, there are plenty of discounted items you probably didn’t know existed until today or things on sale that should have been discontinued years ago. These are all items that will have you scratching your heads–right before you sincerely say to yourself, “I need this, right?”
Gifts for Men Dad Husband
$30 (was $37)
You may be a tad confused about just what exactly is a “Gifts for Men Dad Husband,” and it’s probably because we couldn’t fit the full title of the deal above. This is actually called “Gifts for Men Dad Husband, Survival Gear and Equipment 12 in 1, Christmas Stocking Stuffers, Fishing Hunting Birthday Gifts Ideas for Him Boyfriend Teen Boy, Cool Gadget, Camping Survival Kit.” I’m sure this is much clearer for you all now.
As a Men Dad Husband myself, I tend to only need a few things at my disposal while on the road: both a flathead and Phillips screwdriver, some needle nose pliers, and a false sense of confidence, as those items will fix anything. But this Gift for the Men Dad Husband in your life is for the Man Dad Husband who needs to get away from the day-to-day drudge at his Home Abode Residence. This is a Men Dad Husband who wants to get back to his roots, building a campfire in the Forest Nature Wilderness. If you’re that type of Person Human Dude, this is perfect for you.
A Keychain for Daddy
$8 (was $10)
Upon first glance at this keychain, which has the phrase “Drive safe, Daddy, I love you” engraved on it in two different fonts, I went through a cornucopia of emotions. At first, I laughed at how silly it seemed. A father receives this keychain from their child–which was purchased by the mother–and stares at it while driving to work.
Then, I realized this is for a trucker, and I got exceptionally depressed. This is for a parent who is never around because they’re driving across the country delivering goods from place to place, giving up their homelife. Way to bring me on an emotional journey, Amazon.
A "Funny" Apron
$13 (was $20)
Do you take no pride in cooking for your friends? Are you so bad at cooking–yet so adamant you do so–that you deserve an apron shining a light on just how poorly you make food for your loved ones? Then this “funny” apron is for you! It’s not burnt! That’s flavor–the flavor of burnt food that tastes like burnt food.
Comedy is subjective, and I know there are like 10 people reading this thinking, “Shut up, you’re not funny.” I know. I’ve been told that a lot, but I am much funnier than this apron, so give me that, please.
And this is another one of those Amazon deals that really wants to grab your attention, so it’s a bunch of keywords typed into the title. “Saukore Funny Aprons for Men Women Kitchen Chef Cooking Apron Grilling Aprons with 2 Pockets – Birthday Christmas Apron Gifts for Husband Dad Wife Mom.” This apron can only be sold to you if your birthday is on Christmas and you happen to also be a husband, father, wife, and mother.
Wolf Designs 454410 Savoy Single Watch Winder
$320 (was $563)
Sometimes, Prime Day informs you of products you never knew existed. While I know there is a very large subculture of watch collectors, I just figured all of their watches used batteries or were manually wound in the morning, and it only took a few seconds. Apparently, I was wrong. There are plenty of watch winders out there.
I also spent time looking at how watch winders work and came to the conclusion that $320 is a very silly price for something that spins. And this one only spins one watch. Other watch winders spin multiple watches for a much cheaper price. So if you see this watch winder on the street, please boo it.
Waterpik WP-660 Water Flosser Electric Dental
$40 (was $70)
Listen, we’ve had a few Laughs Giggles Chuckles over the past few items about weird products that shouldn’t be allowed to be sold to humans or ones that were titled with so much SEO barf that you can smell it, but I want you to know something. I care about you and your teeth.
No, I’m not a dentist, nor do I play one in Amazon Prime Day articles, but I want you to get this Waterpik WP-660 Water Flosser. It’s a fine product, and one that was recommended to me personally by GameSpot’s Lucy James and Chris Pereira. While you’re thinking about all those cool, flashy tech items you can get, taking care of your teeth is just as important. No, I don’t work for Big Floss or anything. I just want you to have great-looking teeth.
FIFA 17 for Xbox One
$15 (was $30)
I am not much of a FIFA player, but I know it has a tremendous global appeal. Every year, EA Sports pumps out another one of these games, and people around the world pick it up. Discounting a previous year’s game is par for the course when the latest addition has been released (FIFA 21 came out October 6), but discounting a game from four years ago when the previous two years’ games are just a few dollars more, non-Prime Day priced, is a bit silly. But hey, if you want to pick up a game way out of date, go nuts.
Hurry up though, this hot, hot deal on an old, old game ends on Wednesday, October 14!
Hover-1 Raptor Hoverboard Buggy Attachment with LED Fog Blasters and Sound Effects
$70 (was $100)
Do you have an undying need for younger people to accept you, so you buy the coolest tech for teens, but you’re incredibly uncoordinated? Don’t worry, Hover-1 has something for you that will make all the kids yell, “That person in their 30s is the most swag-fleek!” The Raptor Hoverboard Buggy Attachment–a phrase no one should ever have to write–allows you to ride your hoverboard without the fear of falling off and breaking an arm. Plus, it has LED lights, fog blasters, and makes sound effects. Celebrate your Third Life Crisis in style!
The Floor is Lava!
$13 (was $17)
There are a few childhood games that can be played for the low price of $0: hide and seek, tag, heads-up 7-up, and the floor is lava. However, Endless Games has found a way to make the floor is lava into a thing you pay for. Instead of jumping from one piece of furniture to another, you jump on foam tiles. There’s also action cards that tell you to do things, like “touch your toes.” Just do yourselves a favor and play the game for free, then watch the game show of the same name on Netflix.
Kidzone DIY Number 6V Kids Toy Electric Ride On Bumper Car
$150 (was $400)
Someone has taken a seat to help infants sit up straight and put some remotely-controlled wheels and fancy lights on it. While it comes in a wide array of colors, what the Kidzone Bumper Car doesn’t want you to know is that electric ride-on full cars cost around $150 or are less. It just seems like this Bumper Car is mere seconds away from tipping over. And just as a side note, anyone else find it super-weird that the title of the toy highlights the fact you have to put the number on the car yourself?
Amazon Prime Day 2020 Coverage
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