I have a theory about Wumpa Fruit. Bear with me, this is going to get pretty deep into Crash Bandicoot lore. The original game established that Crash was just an ordinary bandicoot until he was abducted by Dr. Cortex. Cortex and his childhood friend N. Brio built an Evolvo-Ray and turned Crash into a mutant man-bandicoot. A mandicoot. Crash Mandicoot escaped Cortex’s lab and has spent the last 25 years foiling Cortex’s evil plots to conquer the world.
Or so it seems.
In reality, every Crash Bandicoot game has been about one thing and one thing only: wumpa fruit. The ubiquitous fruit may seem like an obligatory collectible, but I have long believed that wumpa fruit are at the center of the entire Crash Bandicoot mythology. I submit to you the following evidence:
Wumpa fruit are objects of exceptional power. In the N. Gin boss fight during Cortex Strikes Back, Crash launches wumpa fruit at his mech, and somehow, the fruit completely destroys it. In Warped, Crash acquires a fruit bazooka that turns wumpa fruit into lethal ammunition. In the Crash Team Racing series, wumpa fruit is a fuel source that gives cars turbo speed. We’re talking about an energy source that is naturally grown, relatively stable, yet profoundly dangerous. Still don’t believe me? Every time Crash eats 100 wumpa fruit, he gains an additional life. I’m not exaggerating when I say wumpa fruit offers truly unlimited power. When Cortex hit Crash with the Evolvo-Ray, I believe that Crash was changed in more ways than one. Not only did he become humanoid and start wearing dope blue jeans, he also gained the ability to harness the power of the wumpa fruit. My friends, Crash Bandicoot is wumpa-powered.
I have desired the sweet taste of wumpa fruit for practically my entire life. When I close my eyes at night, I can hear the comforting thud and ping of Crash slurping up wumpas and getting stronger. I wanted to eat a wumpa fruit so bad. I NEEDED a wumpa fruit. And now, I have one.
I can’t say for certain how many wumpa fruit made it into G Fuel’s new Wumpa Fruit Energy Formula, but a cursory glance at the ingredients tells me it must be severely watered down from the pure, uncut wumpa that Crash is used to. I also couldn’t tell you how G Fuel managed to export wumpa from Sanity Island, considering that, as far as I know, it’s still an imaginary place. But I don’t need to know the specifics. All I need to know is that G Fuel is going to be able to deliver me a steady supply of the flavor dust that makes me big and strong like my hero Crash Mandicoot. I am his biggest Fandicoot.
When the Wumpa Fruit G Fuel arrived at my door this week, I drank a lot of it. My thinking was that Crash only gets stronger the more wumpa he eats, so I might as well start chugging. The recommended amount of G Fuel is one scoop of powder or one can if you get the premade stuff. I drank both. Friends, do not drink this much Wumpa Fruit G Fuel. Your genes have not been altered by N. Brio’s Evolvo-Ray and you’re just not equipped to handle unfiltered wumpa power.
When my panic attack ended, I got down to business testing my body to see if I had picked up any of Crash’s signature moves. Spin attack? Check. Body Slam? Most definitely. Powerslide? All the way, babe. It was remarkable how quickly I adapted to life as a super-powered bandicoot by obliterating every cardboard box in my house with sickass spin attacks. As I sit here typing this article, my fingers moving at the speed of light, I too am wearing nothing but a pair of extremely dope blue jeans. I’ve never felt closer to Crash, never more inside his head. I feel like I understand exactly who Crash is and what he really wants. And what he wants is more wumpa.
My first dose of Wumpa Fruit G Fuel served as conclusive evidence that Crash Bandicoot’s power comes directly from the energy of the wumpa. After all these years, vindication. Crash Bandicoot really is powered by wumpa fruit.
But something else occurred to me as well. Wumpa fruit never changed Crash into a yoked maniac like his rival Crunch Bandicoot. No matter how much wumpa fruit Crash consumes, nothing about him physically changes. The power of the wumpa is definitely magic, but I don’t think it changed Crash’s muscles and bones, I think it changed his heart. Wumpa fruit made Crash Bandicoot a hero, can wumpa fruit make me a hero too? I don’t know, but I’m going to keep drinking it until I find out.
Next: Rumor: Crash Bandicoot Animated Series For Amazon Cancelled
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Eric Switzer is the Livestream News Editor for TheGamer as well as the lead for VR and Tech. He has written about comics and film for Bloody Disgusting and VFXwire. He is a graduate of University of Missouri – Columbia and Vancouver Film School. Eric loves board games, fan conventions, new technology, and his sweet sweet kitties Bruce and Babs. Favorite games include Destiny 2, Kingdom Hearts, Super Metroid, and Prey…but mostly Prey. His favorite Pokémon is Umbreon.
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