Crusader Kings 3 is a beloved grand strategy game precisely because it goes too far. Assassinations, arranged marriages, sexual harassment, incest, coups, backstabbing, wars, crusades, Pope cannibalism, and every disease that modern medicine has mostly eliminated are on full display in Crusader Kings 3.
And this is what happens when you suffer from every single one of them at the same time.
We have Reddit user i_hate_usernames to thank for this royal monstrosity. To get into the spirit of the season, they had the bright idea of using console commands to afflict their monarch with every negative trait, disease, and injury imaginable, resulting in an albino dwarf male king that suffers from scaly skin, leprosy, syphilis, bubonic plague, typhus, smallpox and great pox, a horrifically grievous injury that can never heal, and of course, cancer.
Oh, and also a bad case of the Mondays.
RELATED: According To Crusader Kings 3 Stats, Over 1.5 Million People Have Been Eaten (Including One Pope)
The net result is that King Svend II Ulfsen of Denmark, age 47, has absolutely zero stats in every category except stewardship. So he’s good with money and for scaring away children by looking like a zombie with third-degree burns.
Who knew that Crusader Kings 3 would turn out to be the spookiest game of the season?
If creating this petri dish of a person wasn’t enough to satisfy your morbid curiosity, then maybe these Crusader Kings 3 mods will give you a lift.
The Hair and Beard Variants mod offers a variety of new hair and beard styles that will make you look like a wizard without a staff or an Amish farmer that somehow got promoted to monarch.
Or you can try the Tony Hawk’s Pro Crusaders 1+2 mod, which lets you throw off the shackles of statehood and just grind a few rails at the skatepark behind the castle. Gengis Khan will even be your friend and teach you to pull off a sick 980 kickflip.
Or you can just dress your kid up as a crusader. That’s always good for a dinner party or two.
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